Create a healthy routine to help your children thrive after separation
Everyone worries about their children after separation. We can help you make sure they are okay. The right routine helps your children adjust to the changes in their lives that separation brings. The 'right' routine is different for every family, but in our experience consistency is the key. Most children will get used to a new routine, as long as it is consistent and predictable and there are similarities to the old routine. Most children also benefit from having a ‘home base’, which means spending more time at one home than the other.
There are some developmental issues that need to be taken into consideration, because a child’s age will influence how well they cope with separation from their primary carer. It is also important to look carefully at the family dynamic from before separation - who were the children with most often? When did they spend time with each parent? What did they do with each parent? For example, were they put to bed by one parent or both? Who took them to and from school and activities? Maintaining some of these routines can help children to adjust.
The Family Law Act encourages parents to reach an agreement about matters concerning their children, to take responsibility for resolving parental conflict and to put the interests of your children first, when making an agreement. (s 63B Family Law Act 1975). The primary considerations in determining the best interests of the children are protecting the children from harm and the benefit of having a meaningful relationship with both parents. The Family Law Act also requires that parents try to mediate their differences before they go to Court.
After separation it can be hard to accept that you will no longer live with your children full time. That makes it difficult to take a step back and look at what the children need, rather than what either parent wants. We can help you to think objectively in this emotional situation. We can provide guidance about the developmental needs of different age children and discuss some of the many different routines we have helped other parents develop, to give you some ideas about what is possible. The 'right' routine will hopefully be decided upon by agreement between the caring adults in the children's lives, as you know your children best.
It can often be difficult to speak to your ex partner without conflict, which is why it is useful to have lawyers involved. We can assist you by negotiating an agreement with the other parent or carer in your children's lives (and/or their lawyer) and if that is not possible then we can invite them to mediate the issues remaining. As a last resort, we can apply to a Court to make an order about where your children live and spend time, however even after we have applied to the Court, you and your co-parent might still be able to reach an agreement before a Judge has to make a decision.
We have worked with many different parents and children and we know that there are times when negotiation is just not possible (for example cases involving serious mental health issues, family violence or drug/alcohol dependence). If, after discussion, we believe that it will not be possible to negotiate and/or mediate with your ex partner then we can assist you to apply for Court orders and will help you to resolve the Court proceedings as quickly and with as little stress as possible.
More information and resources
We have gathered a list of Frequently Asked Questions here.
We also have a Resources page, which includes information about talking to children about your separation and how separation might affect children at different developmental stages.
